


Motherhood Identity Crisis

by bendemption



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Cliche, F/M, Ficlet, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Humor, Identity Issues, Lemon, Marriage, Out of Character, Postpartum Depression, Pregnancy, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-07
Updated: 2019-08-07
Packaged: 2020-08-10 21:46:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20142475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bendemption/pseuds/bendemption
Summary: Rey and Ben Solo are married with a family.Rey struggles with her identity as a mom of 3 very young children. And she's pregnant again. Oops.Warnings for: postpartum overwhelm/depression, AU, OOC, children stressing out their parents. 😂





	Motherhood Identity Crisis

**Author's Note:**

> A light read that has some angst but not too heavy. Every one of these situations was inspired by stories shared with me by my "mom" friends. And yes, the cliche that they have twins is present here - sorry!  
———

_ I can do this, I can do this. _

_ I _ am _ doing it. _

Rey mentally went over her list as she loaded the twins into the baby carrier: Leia in the front and Cassie on her back. As soon as the girls were comfortable she leaned into the vehicle to unclip Benjamin from his carseat. 

“NO,” his chubby hand swatted her, “I do it. I do it. I do it.” 

Rey sighed as Benjamin began earnestly pushing at the unlock button.

Sure, he would be able to unlock himself in a few years. 

She didn’t have that kind of time. Rey hunched back into the car.

“Let’s do it together.” Rey gently placed her thumb on top of her sons hand and pushed down. 

He let out a wail.

_ Great. _

Using her heel Rey kicked the door shut and wrestled a squirming Benjamin into the shopping cart. She hastily handed him is water bottle and snack bar while praying it wouldn’t land on the floor in the next ten seconds. 

Okay. Right. Good.

Twins happy, Benjamin distracted by food - it was time to get in and out as quickly as possible before someone needed a diaper change. 

“Rey Solo?” An older woman with bright eyes approached her. Rey tried to place the woman.

“Mrs. Lauer - I was your neighbor before you moved. Though it was just you and your husband Kylo at the time?” 

Rey remembered now. The neighbor who would _ not _ stop asking Ben and Rey about their force link since it became public knowledge years ago. 

Rey gave what she hoped was a polite smile.

“Ah, yes. As you can see we’ve grown a bit. And my husband goes by Ben now.”

Mrs. Lauer arched her brows.

“Indeed. Are they _ all _ yours?” 

What the kriff kind of question was that?

“Ehm - yes - they’re just a couple years apart. Easier to get through the baby stuff at once, you know?”

Why did she feel the need to justify _ anything _ to this woman?

“Oh,” Mrs. Lauer waved casually, “I wouldn’t know. I never wanted children. But _ you _ sure are cute,” she squinted a smile at Benjamin who stared at her blankly.

“My,” she stepped back, “what a _ look _.”

“Mmhm, nice to run into you Mrs. Lauer!” Rey pushed past her before Benjamin could call her his new favorite catch-phrase. 

Rey idly wondered if Ben ever dealt with conversations like this at the senate.

Probably not.

She distractedly placed various fruits and vegetables into the cart. 

Her reputation was respectable but she still caught the snippets of gossip directed at her. 

Rey, they would mutter: one of the most powerful force users in the galaxy - the woman who brought Luke out of his self imposed exile and united with the loathsome Kylo Ren to defeat Darth Sidious. The woman who inspired Kylo Ren to redeem himself and become Ben Solo once again. 

Now, they said, she was simply a housewife. How was she going to join her husband in the senate with all those children underfoot? Did they have any concept of family planning? Couldn’t they afford to hire help? At least buy a few more droids to help with the cleaning? 

And her favorite: couldn’t her husband _ control _ himself? She was so young to have such a brood.

_ Poor _ Rey. 

The pity was the _ worst _. 

“Maaammaa, mama mama mama, I want,” Benjamin reached for a jar filled with a mysterious red sauce. Rey’s eyes widened. Indulging in her_ own _ self pity was a luxury was going to cause a massive mess on aisle seven.

“Ben - Ben - no, no, no, that’s glass - we’re going this way now,” she struggled to turn the cart in the narrow aisle. She puffed a stray hair from her face as Cassie yanked at her hair. She had insisted on _ not _ chopping off all her hair because she knew Ben liked it long and she felt most like herself with it...but maybe it was time to give in to the mom haircut. 

No. Not yet. 

Safely away from the things-in-glass-jars aisle Rey made her way to the seafood counter. She was pretty sure the smell wafting up her nose was coming from Leia and not any of the fish displayed in the glass case. 

“Leia stinky mommy. Can we get that one?” Her son pointed to a creature with far too many tentacles. 

“Mmm no, not today honey.”

“You know negative language can impact your child in a terrible way.” A low, imposing tone caused Rey’s head to turn sideways. Was he talking to her?

“The word _ No _, is used too often with young children,” the older man was wearing a cardigan and had his hands in his pockets. He pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. “I taught a course on child development.”

Not wanting to dignify him with a response Rey went back to inspecting the case. The babies were starting to lose it. 

The man cleared his throat and took a step closer. 

“It was not my intention to offend you, miss, but if you insist on overpopulating the galaxy please know about child develop…”

“Can you kriff off?” Rey snapped, grabbing whatever was pre-packaged and in front of her. The nerve of some people.

“Kriff off, poopy butt face man,” Ben giggled and Rey closed her eyes.

She was done. She was _ just done _.

Rey moved through the check-out as fast as possible, not caring that Ben was telling anyone willing to listen that his mama told an “old guy” to kriff off. She didn’t want to think about how she had forgotten the most important item on her list - one she should have gotten earlier since Ben would finally be home tonight. 

It was a half-hearted regret, because she truthfully did not want to know if she was currently pregnant. 

_ Again_. For the _ third _ time.

After the twins Ben had gently brought up getting a vasectomy. Rey had been the one to insist that he wait and see how their adjustment to family life went.

_ Kriff. _

Loading the kids into the car Rey focused on how she was going to get through dinner and bedtime first. 


End file.
